Dinner Table Conversations

At the dinner table… having dinner.

Raven: Mommy, whats wrong? You aren’t talking. You aren’t smiling.

Me: Just thinking.

Raven: About?

Me: Grown up stuff.

Raven: Maybe you should talk about it. I’m not a grown up but maybe you can talk to me?

Me: Thanks baby… but I doubt you can help me.

Raven: Well, can you tell me anyway?

Me: I’m just thinking about my life. My purpose. And what I am going to do when I grow up?

Raven: But… Mommy? You are a grown up.

Me: I know. Which is why it’s even more frustrating… because I’m grown and I still don’t know what I’m doing with my life.

Raven: But …. you’re a mommy! You cook. You clean. You take care of us. That’s what you do with your life.

Me: Yeah I know. But there is more to life. I want to do more. I like taking care of you guys. But the cooking and cleaning? I don’t necessarily like it. I do it because I have to.

Raven: Which makes you even MORE awesome. Because you sacrifice! You do things that you have to do when you don’t want to. You could have the house dirty and not feed us good food… but that’s not what you do. You keep the house nice for us. You come to our school and help. You’re a mom. An awesome mom. That should make you happy!

Me: It should! And it does! But I think I want more. What do you think I should be when I grow up? What do you think I’m good at?

Raven: Ummm…. Well??? … I think you are a good problem solver.

Me: How so?

Raven: Well… it seems like you are ALWAYS on the phone talking to someone and giving advice. You’re always talking to people to help them solve their problems. You’re kinda like that bald Vanzant lady and Oprah.

Me: Oh really? So you think I’m a problem solver?

Raven: Yup. A good one!

Me: Well if I start solving problems, then maybe I will be famous and travel the world to solve lots of peoples problems! What do you think about that?

Raven: Wait… does that mean that you will be out of town?

Me: Probably.

Raven: For more than one day at a time?

Me: Possibly.

Raven: Oh… well then in that case, you need to just need to stay home and keep talking to your friends on the phone and solve their problems…. because I like it when I come home after school and you are home.

The Coldest Winter Ever?

It’s cold. Bitterly cold. And it’s been COLD for way too long. I know it’s winer. I know its SUPPOSED to be cold in the winter but this crap we have right here in St. Louis is some other shit. This is some arctic, polar bullshit that I don’t have the time for. And I understand that a large part of the nation is dealing with cold temps but that has nothing to do with me. I don’t care about all that. I care about me being cold and not leaving the house for five days straight because I’m too annoyed to deal with frostbitten hands. Continue reading

The Worst Kind of Dissapointment

There are different kinds of disappointment. There is the kind where others are disappointed in you and depending how much you give a damn about them is how much you will actually care about that disappointment. And then there is that overwhelming kind of disappointment … the kind that REALLY eats at you because you are disappointed in yourself. YIKES. Have you ever felt that kind of disappointment before? I have. On several occasions actually. Continue reading

Elf On A Shelf Teaches A Lesson!

I have two daughters. They kinda look alike, but have polar opposite personalities. I have one that listens, is always well-behaved and has NEVER, not once… EVER been reprimanded by a school official. When I mean never… I mean… not one of her teachers, babysitters, day care providers or ANYONE (in her 9 years on this planet) has ever told me that they have even had to redirect her so that she could stop doing something wrong. So when she was caught doing something wrong last night… it was a pretty big deal to her and myself. Continue reading

Seed Planting Birthdays. (Rhea turns 6!)

“The human mind is like a fertile ground where seeds are continually being planted. The seeds are opinions, ideas, and concepts. You plant a seed, a thought, and it grows. The word is like a seed, and the human mind is so fertile.”

I read this in a book called The Four Agreements many months ago and it was the part of the book that stuck out and resonated with me the most. I never realized how true this was until after I read it. I have the perfect personal example to share on just how true this statement is. Continue reading

Happy Halloween! (2013)

When I was growing up, my father didn’t like us celebrating Halloween. We got costumes from time to time but he used to make us wear our traditional African clothes year after year. I always wanted to celebrate Halloween as a child but it was hard when my father constantly discouraged us. I guess it’s because of that that I always try and make my kids Halloween special while they are still young enough to care about it. (Overcompensating) I want them to look back at these memories of Halloween as children and have good feelings bout it unlike my feelings of my childhood halloween experiences. Continue reading

My Kids Won’t Let Me Get Divorced

Last weekend we went to a birthday party for a 7 year-old. We were told to meet up at the birthday girl’s house and then we would all leave together to the birthday location together. I was one of the first ones to arrive to the house with my daughters. I was talking to two other moms there who had husbands that were also affiliated with the NFL in some capacity or another. The kids began to play and we introduced ourselves to one another and began talking about the different cities we had moved to… how many times we have had to move… the best cities we liked, etc. Continue reading